Being Home

I really thought being home would fix things...but it's almost made things worse. I have so many questions and so much anger that I don't know what to do with. Why does everything have to always be so hard? Why does he get to fix things and make everything better when my life is the one that was turned upside down? How is that fair? I mean, I want to be friends and fix things between us but it just angers me that he always gets what he wants. I don't think he fully understands what he's put me through and he probably never will. I keep meeting new people and liking them..but then talking myself out of liking them. I don't want my life to be turned upside down again. I don't want to trust someone and like them but I don't want to be left behind again. I'm always getting left behind. My best friend/boyfriend and who I thought was the love of my life left me countless times. both my best friends stopped talking to me about the same time without explanation for about half a year. Something just really needs to be easy...please. Someone help me. I need someone to help me get this anger out and get my self confidence back up. this isn't who I am and I need to find a way back.